Wl, things are happening one after another man. I am a human ok. I need a rest too, whether it's physically or mentally. And i have feelings like anyone of you do. Seriously, sometimes i really can't understand what's on people mind. Of course i don't understand myself too. I have a lot of questions in my mind which i can only like talk to my softtoys like a retarded, type it out in my phone memo, or keep it to myself? Y'know there's always a point of time when you came across things that made you so upset, so frustrated, and you wish you could just cry and scream out all your sorrows. Or to sleep all the way because sleeping gets you away from reality. And yeah thats always how i feel. Sometimes i feel that my life is like a fairytale, so happy. And sometimes i feel that my life is like a math problem sum with no answers.
I am a very sentimental girl. Like many girls, i'm also the type that takes a lot of time to get over a thing. Perhaps i really used to be a cold blooded person? I took time to get over that bloody hell past of mine, and those failure relationships. I rewind, i learn, and i change. I don't mind people hating me. Especially those whom i hurt before. They ought to. Rather than treating me the way i used to treat them. I don't like sort of revenge games. I don't.
And being a naive girl, once i falled in love, i fall very deeply. It's hard to explan this. But seriously, i think so far this is the first time i ever ever love someone so much that i can even change myself. It's like you wish you can do everything to be a perfect loving girlfriend towards another. But i know i will never be one. At least i did tried. I'm not a understanding girlfriend towards my boyfriend, which i think it brings us a lot of problems. I'm demanding, i'm unreasonable, i'm immature and a lot more. I don't know how my boyfriend is able to take up with my attitude and stuffs, but i know it's been hard on him. I cherish this relationship so much. And i do hear people saying me silly stupid or whatever. I dont mind seriously. If you were in my shoes, you would understand. The feeling of losing someone you love, sucks. It hurts so much so much like a knife had really stab through your heart. I never wanna experience it again. Never again. And i dont know since when, i started believing in 11.11. From then on, i started to wish whenever i am sad. I wish things get better. I wish i am able to overcome this obstacle. And so on. I no longer call my bestfriend when i am sad, unless it's seriously makes me cry till ... idk ya . I no longer write diaries too because i think it brings bad memories when i read it over. So the only way to make me feel better, is to put on my headphone and cry to sleep. I think it helps a lot. Although i always have swollen eyes. Ok i have serious eyebags problem too so i think yeah no big deal also. But worst is, i have to hide inside my blanket at times when i cry.
Lol, seriously idk why am i typing all these in middle of the night at 1.35AM. But well, i hope things goes on smoothly.